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There are endless commercials that air, where basically, a guy comes out and he’s like, “Doesn’t it suck to sit up?” Something like that. Now… - if you don’t know what I’m talking about, you haven’t been watching TV. Just hold up the same device and be like, “Hi.” “Bye.” And you saw everyone.īut the number-one indicator that we are not gonna leave our homes one day very soon are the number of commercials I see for beds that sit up for you. And… -I want an eagle’s beak.” -And then… - Amazon’s like, “It’s on your fuckin’ doorstep.” How about that? Isn’t that insane to you? You don’t have to leave your home to see people. You can sit on your couch, pull up your phone, and if you want to, just be like, “I want bananas. Like, number one, do you ever really process that you don’t have to leave your home to buy anything? You’re like, “Yeah, I order some things online.” No, no, no. There… There are a lot of indicators if you’re paying attention. And I’m pretty fuckin’ excited about it.
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Luckily for all of us, I think we are five years away from never leaving our homes again. The meaning of life is, “Fuck this place. Like, people are always philosophizing, “What is the meaning of life?” I’ll tell you the meaning of life. I think you’re like, “I hope this is good,” but also, “Wrap this shit up so I can go home.” I actually think that’s the meaning of life. I’m like, “Well, I wish I was home right now.” -Uh… I think it’s your thought too. That is literally my first thought whenever I walk into any room. Transcript of Tom Segura’s new Netflix Special Ball Hog (2020) now available here įilmed at the Paramount Theatre in Denver